Ongoing Treatment to the End

I am now in my eighth month of treatment and even though I am 3/4's of the way through, I feel as though I will never make to the end. My body is so run down, from the chemicals I am putting into it, that I don't even have enough energy to do the things that I used to take for granted. I can't take anything to help me get more energy because every time I do my system rejects it. I have been eating more, probably because I am carving energy, but that doesn't help either. I just have been gaining weight which reduces my energy even more...blah, blah, blah! It always feels better to talk about my dilemmas!

My feet seem to be kinda numb most of the time and my stomach is full of gas and if I take acid reflux medicine it makes my stomach upset. If I don't take the acid reflux medicine my voice gets really bad. Can I make it...I don't know...I want to, but I am running out of energy.

And that was my eighth month...right at the end of it I went to my doctor's visit and shared the above symptoms with my doctor. We decided to check my WBC, RBC, & Platelets, and my viral load and cryoglobulin anemia results. He suggested, if the results were decent, bringing my Interferon dose up to 135 micrograms. That was on Monday, the 9th of December.

On Thursday, on my way back from a funeral, I got a call from my doctor. My viral load was near 4400 and he discontinued my treatment! This nasty virus had broken through the medication and was now taking over my body again, after 6 months of being virus free! Needless to say I was devastated...and stayed that way for a couple of days. I visited with my therapist on Friday and that helped a little. I knew that even though I wanted to escape my feelings that was not a choice that I was going to make. I still value my life and feel as though I have a purpose here on earth.

The question here is how do I deal with this terrible virus...and make some great choices about my life from this point on. I first need to cleanse my body of the drugs I've been putting into it for the past nine months, find a good job, and Hope to God that my viral load doesn't get worse before I can start another, improved treatment in 2015. That will give me one year to get it together! With a lot of Faith and Hope I should be in much better shape a year or two from now!

I spoke with a nurse at the Genetech drug company and she said that the Interferon & Ribaviron didn't have any withdrawal symptoms and that my symptoms were all emotional, which was understandable. I agree and disagree. My sinus' and digestive system are in bad shape from the drugs. According to my doctor and the nurse, the Interferon takes about 6 weeks to leave your system and the Rivaviron, up to 6 months to leave. I also have to deal with my WBC, RBC, and Platelet counts being really low, which should be better in a couple of weeks. It's been almost one week and I am now able to write about Me, both physical and emotional.

What a let down...I was really counting on becoming this new energized person, free of any chemicals in my body, treatment related or otherwise. Healthy!! No alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes!! Just good healthy foods and relationships! A great job with a purpose that allows be to be recognized as the wonderful person that I am. I know that's a lot to count on and no wonder I'm so let down. I took to much for granted and now I'm paying for it, emotionally!

I must now pull-up my boot straps and get on with my life! As the Grateful Dead puts it..."I will get by, I will survive!" I can still have a great healthy life that makes a difference in other peoples lives and in my life, on a daily basis. This virus will not get me down and if it does, I will have lived a wonderful life!